i always wanted to be the person who did things differently from the crowd. but lately, the funniest twist is that i find myself doing things completely differently from the person i used to be. if you told anyone who knew me a few years ago that i’d be making these choices, they’d laugh. out of everyone, her? the girl who treated her life like a strategic military campaign? yet here we are
read this entry →PINNED BY THE MANAGEMENT
must reads
The ones I keep sending people. A shorter entrance into an archive that otherwise expects you to choose among six separate problems.
9 pinned entries
I suspect my internal OS is running on a pirated version of Windows 95, which would explain why I can't open more than one 'emotional stability' window at a time without the whole thing crashing.
read this entry →spent so long thinking freedom was just about surviving the fire that i forgot how to exist when the building wasn't burning. this is for anyone else who feels like they’re living a double life—one in the quiet, and one still running from ghosts.
read this entry →we spend so much time building digital archives to prove we existed, but the irony is that the more photos we have, the less we seem to remember actually being there. i’ve been sitting with the difference between a life you have to document and a life you just live. turns out, you don’t need an alibi when you’re finally with people who make you feel seen.
read this entry →the more i learn about how things actually work, the more i miss the days when my internal logic was entirely made of cartoons and conspiracy. at least then, the danger was visible. at least then, i knew exactly who was turning into a plant.
read this entry →We treat silence as the absence of noise, but it’s often a tactic of containment. It’s a way of occupying space without ever having to defend the shape you’re taking.
read this entry →I have a drawer full of 190+ Polaroids, all locked away behind a key I’ve managed to lose. It’s a literal vault of 'almosts', the moments before the plan fell apart, before the result became a fact. Lately, I’ve been thinking about why I still want to take photos when every click now feels like a financial crisis. It turns out, I’m not interested in the highlight reel. I’m interested in the evidence that I was alive, even when I had no idea what happened next.
read this entry →this started with a facial and somehow became a question about how much of ourselves we turn into upkeep. not just the clothes, routines, treatments or things we buy, but the personalities we maintain too: cheerful, easygoing, undemanding, always available. i do not think wanting more is wrong. i just wonder when a preference stops being a choice and becomes another standard we are afraid to fall below. maybe being low maintenance is not about needing nothing. maybe it is about making sure the life we build is still one we can carry when things get heavy.
read this entry →I spent three hours deciding whether to hit ‘publish’ on this, and then another hour convincing myself that the hesitation was part of the point. This isn't a manifesto. It’s just the stuff that usually gets edited out. If you’re also tired of performing your own existence, pull up a chair. We’re not solving anything tonight, but we might stop pretending to be so sure of ourselves. If anyone has any issue or has gotten offended, complain to God. It will make you feel better :)
read this entry →